hope vs fear (Harlow Book 1) Read online

  Contents

  Title Page

  Chapter one

  CHAPTER TWO COLE

  Chapter three Ella

  CHAPTER FOUR COLE

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Chapter six

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Epilogue

  Hope Vs Fear

  Chapter one Ella

  The car had become too quiet since my best friend Bas, and the twins had fallen asleep, and the silence was deafening. Without the distraction of them bickering amongst each other, there was nothing to stop my mind from wandering back to a time in my life I would much rather forget. The closer we were getting to Harlow, the more the scenery was becoming familiar to me. As we drove past the fields and houses that I had driven past countless times during my childhood the harder it was getting for me to not think about all that I had left behind.

  As the daughter of the billionaire property tycoon, Garret Hastings people believed that I had a perfect life. It was the life that my father had wanted the world to see. Behind the fantasy that he had created there was the truth that he had kept hidden. My childhood was one of make-believe, where I was forgotten about until I was needed to play the loving daughter of one of the world’s wealthiest men. When I was young, I had loved the times that he had taken me out of the cupboard and paraded me around for people to see. It was not until I was older that I had started to resent him each time that he had used me to further his plans. I had grown tired of his act, of him pretending that he cared when it suited him, that I began to rebel against him. I soon learnt that it did not matter to him what I did. I could win the noble peace prize, find the cure for cancer or strip and run down the high street naked, rob a bank. My father never showed me anything, not love, not anger, disgust or even hate. As the years went on my father and I began to live our lives as if we were passing ships in the night. Two people who happened to live in the same house.

  Witnessing just how my father was with everyone around him, led me to believe that it was him rather than me. He was cold and unfeeling towards everyone. I had always thought that it was his inability to feel and to show his emotions that made him the way he was. That in his own way he loved me but was just unable to express it. When I turned sixteen, my world was turned upside down when my father surprised me by moving in his girlfriend Anita, and her sixteen-year-old daughter Addison. I watched from the sidelines as he showered them both with his love and affections. I watched as he built a family with them. Made to observe every day that I had been wrong. My father was not cold-hearted by nature. He was that way because he had chosen to be, even with me, his only child. Looking on from the sidelines as two strangers became the family, I had always hoped for killed something inside of me. I became the stain on his perfect family. His resentment towards me grew more and more apparent as the days went by. Soon I felt like an unwanted guest in my own home.

  As the Welcome to Harlow sign came into view, I had to fight with myself to stop myself from turning the car around and just driving home, back to my small two-bedroom house in Fairview. I had wanted nothing more than to be back there surrounded by all I held dear to me. To shut the front door and pretend that none of this was happening. Looking into the rear-view mirror, I took in the sleeping forms of my children. If it were not for them, or for their father, I would never have come back to this town. Pulling the car over in front of the sign I wondered just how my life would have turned out if my father had never destroyed it.

  I was eighteen when I had left my father’s house to attend university. Moving into a small one bedroomed flat with my boyfriend Cole had felt like freedom to me. Leaving behind the life of a ghost, of someone who was made to feel as if they did not exist felt liberating. We had not planned to move into the flat until the end of summer, but I just couldn’t wait. “The day after I had sat my final exam I had packed up and moved. I just could not live in the same house as my father anymore knowing there was somewhere miles away from him that I could be living instead. The life I had built with Cole away from my father was new. There I was no longer the daughter of a billionaire. Only Cole knew just who my father was. Although I knew I was living a lie, that I had created a make-believe world like the one, I had grown up in and had resented, this one was different. The world that I had created was mine, and I was playing it my way, and my way was simple. Everyone held value, and everyone mattered.

  I went back to Harlow often with Cole to visit his family, but never not once did I visit my father. In the four years that I was at university, I did not so much as call him. He and I had come to an understanding, if I stayed away, he would support me financially through school. I was given a bank card that gave me access to the thousand pounds that he would deposit every month into an account. The amount was small in comparison to what he could afford, but it was more than enough for me not to have to worry about money. It allowed me the privilege to concentrate solely on my education without the extra added stress. It suited us both, after all, my father had the family he had always wanted with Anita, and I had found mine with Cole.

  For four years I never got one word from him. Not even so much as a birthday, or Christmas card, but still, on the day that I graduated, I found myself scanning the crowd in the hope that he would be there. I allowed myself a few seconds to feel disappointed and hurt that my own father couldn’t spare the time to see me graduate before I shrugged it off and just enjoyed the day. Cole had surprised me with tickets to Mexico in celebration. It was supposed to have been our last carefree trip before I had to face the world as a working adult, and he had to meet the demands of medical school. It was meant to have been our last childish up yours to the world, before having to face up to the fact we were now adults and had to leave our childish ways of life behind us.

  The morning that we had been due to leave for Mexico I had been giddy with excitement. Unable to stay still for more than a second, I had found myself unpacking and then repacking our suitcases so afraid that we would forget something. By the third time that I had unpacked and repacked the cases, Cole had had enough of me. Using the excuse that he had needed to see a friend before we left to give them the spare key to the flat, he left me to my packing. As soon as he had gone, I had turned the music up. I had so much excited energy to burn off before the flight, that I had started to sing and dance around our small lounge. I had gotten so lost in the music, that I had become unaware of the world around me. It was not until the music had stopped that I had realised I was not alone.

  “Hey, I was listening to that.” Turning around expecting to find Cole, I screamed out when I saw my father instead. Instantly as if someone had flipped a switch inside of me my guard went up. It might have been four years since he and I had been in the same room together, but no amount of time could erase lessons that had taken a lifetime to install. If there was one thing that I knew about my father, it was that he would never have come all this way just to have seen me. Him standing there after all this time could only mean one thing, my life was about to change for the worst.

  “I hear you have graduated.” It was said as a statement of fact. There was no pride in his voice as he spoke, no show of any kind that he was proud of what I had achieved. He held himself the same way he had always conducted himself around me. It was controlled, meant to tell me without words that he was the o
ne with all the power between us. That I was nothing more than a passing annoyance, one that he wanted to be done with.

  “No, hello, how are you. You surprise me Father with your cold, unfeeling welcome after all this time.” I tried to stand firm, to show him that his unexpected visit was not making me feel uneasy. “Yes, I graduated a month ago. I take it the invite to my graduation got lost in the post, as you failed to attend the ceremony.”

  “That means you are no longer a drain to me. That you have stopped being my responsibility. “I was shocked by how much my father’s cold, callous words still stung me. I had thought that I had moved on, that his constant barbed words no longer had the power to hurt me. As I stood there though it took me back to a time when I was just a little girl who craved acceptance, and love from her dad. Who had tried so hard to get him to love her?

  “I’ll go and get you the card,” I said turning around thinking that was why he had come here. To get back the bank card that he had given to me all them years ago. Going into the bedroom to get my bag, I used the few seconds that it gave me away from him to get myself together. This man always showed up with an agenda, and never without his ace card. Even before he had entered the flat, he had won. My father never went into anything unless he was sure that he would come out the winner.

  “I don’t want the card. I put a stop to it. It is nothing more than cheap plastic now.”

  “Why are you here then?” Walking back into the lounge I stubbornly offered him the card. Even though he had said it was worthless now, it was my way of showing him that I did not care.

  “I want to make another deal.” He ignored the card in my hand, and casually took a seat at the small table that was next to him. I pushed the card across the table towards him. As far as I was concerned, he could take his billions and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine. Now that I had finished school, I could start to earn my own money. Make my own way in life. I did not need his money anymore. He pulled out another bank card from his jacket pocket and held it up for me to see.

  “This card, however, holds one hundred thousand pounds.”

  “I don’t want your money, I promise I will stay away.” I looked at the card in his hand, the temptation to reach out and grab it was hard to resist. I knew though if I took that card, I would never be free of him.

  “Things have changed. I no longer need you to just stay away, I need you to disappear.”

  “Vanish, you think waving your money around will make me vanish. I don’t care about money, not even yours.”

  "Do you know Jeff stands to lose everything? His business is sinking fast." He was so self-assured, so confident in himself as he twirled the card in his hand.

  “He came to see me last week, begged me to help him save his company.” The smug look he gave me as he uttered the name of Cole’s dad made my heart sink. He knew that his offer of money would be met with a refusal, but my love for Cole and his family would have me second guessing.

  “You will only help Jeff if I disappear.”

  “Grab your bags and go. Take this card, and the money, and walk out that door and never look back.

  “What about Cole?” Struggling to hold myself together I fought back the tears. The last thing I needed was for him to realise how much all this was killing me inside. If my father saw any sign of weakness, he would use it against me.

  “You are to leave him.” Out of all the things this man had done and said to me throughout my life, this was by far the worst and the most unforgivable. I could never leave Cole; he was asking too much of me. Jeff Denver had sealed my fate, without knowing it, he had destroyed my life.

  I couldn’t stop them now, the tears streamed down my face, and my whole body began to shake.

  “I…can’t…leave…him.” I fought to get my words out. I loved Cole, his family, they meant the world to me. I could not just up and disappear on them. There had to be some other way to save the business, this could not be the only way.

  “Jeff will find another way; he is a resourceful man.”

  “Do you think he would have come begging me for help if there was some other way? Jeff is a proud man it crushed him to come to my door with a begging bowl.” He was right Jeff would have gone down every route available before even thinking about asking my father for help.

  “Do you know how expensive medical school is?” Slamming his fist down hard on the table, he was losing his patience with me fast. This was the first time I had ever refused my father anything, and the more I fought him, the angrier he was becoming. He was in the habit of getting his own way without having to work for it, and this little bit of force I was using against him was not something he was accustomed to.

  I shook my head knowing I had lost it all. Jeff Denver was such a caring man. It would break him if he knew just what the asking price for my father’s help was, that it would end up costing me everything. I could not sit back, and just watch as Jeff lost it all. Cole’s whole life was to become a doctor. It was his way of paying tribute to a mother he never knew. I could never take that away from him. For Cole to walk away from all he had worked for would kill something inside of him. Even if I turned my father’s offer down, I had already lost Cole and his family. They would come to resent me for all they had lost over time. The thought of them hating me was enough to make me think about taking my father up on his deal. I had lived most of my life with a man that had hated me, the thought of Cole being that callous, and uncaring towards me had been enough for me to ponder the idea at least. I loved Cole too much to ever have him hating me. Growing up together there was not a time in my life that I could remember Cole not being there. It was as if one day he was Cole, my best friend, and the next he was this tall blond-haired blue-eyed guy, who set my heart alight whenever he was near me.

  I knew from the first kiss we shared on the makeshift dance floor in the school hall he was the one. As soon as our lips touched, I felt this magical link between us, and ever since then, it was as if we had become one. To sit back and do nothing as his world fell apart around him, after he had picked up the pieces of mine, and put them back together so many times felt wrong. I knew deep down that I had no choice, I would do anything to help make his dream come true, even if that meant walking away from him to do it.

  “Why do you hate me?” I demanded to know. I had thought I had seen his worst four years ago when he had paid me off, to make sure I stayed out of his life. This was beyond cruel. How could a father hate his child so much that he could rip out her heart and destroy her world?

  “Hate is such a harsh word. I don’t hate you, I just can’t stomach you.” I had nothing more to say to this man. What was there left to say after he had just admitted to me that he hated me while at the same time denying that he did? Taking hold of my suitcase I left him sitting at the table still holding the hundred-thousand-pound card in his hand. It would be a cold day in hell before I ever excepted money from him again.

  Walking away from everything that day I thought my life was over. Having nowhere to go I spent the first three months living in my car, being moved on from one place to the next. Having sunk to the lowest point of my life, I spent my days living in a stupor, not wanting to think about my past and all that I had left behind, and too afraid to think of where my life was going. I began to live day to day, if at the end of the day I was still alive then that was a good day, or bad depending on where my mind was at. For three months I had been just coasting through life. Pulling up anywhere that seemed safe I would try to stay hidden not wanting to be moved on, hating having to find someplace else to sleep. My nights were spent locked in my car, scared and alone. I had come to the last of my money the tank was empty, and my M.O.T and car insurance had run out over a week ago.

  As my car sputtered to the side of the road, I knew my days of having a car to sleep in was over. Not knowing where I was and not caring I curled up in the back seat and tried to sleep. I was woken up by a flashlight shining in my face. Sitting up and stretching I knew just
who it was, and I knew that when they saw that my car was not legal, they would take it. It was a shame as I could have sold it and used the money. Getting out I Ignored the police officer as he spoke to me. I never even looked at him. Dragging my suitcase out from the boot I slammed it shut.

  “Take it,” I said going to walk away, to where I had no idea.

  “Wait, you can’t leave it here.” The officer said chasing me down. I turned to face him and just broke down. The officer took in the sight of me, and to this day I don’t know why he cared enough to help me, but he did. Officer Bas Harper took me under his wing that night, and ever since he and I have been best friends. I owed this man so much more than I could ever repay. When I had found out, I was pregnant my world crashed around me, if Bas had not been by my side guiding me, allowing me to lean on him I would never have made it, especially when I learnt I was having twins.

  The sound of Bas waking up and stretching brought me out of my thoughts.

  “Worried?” He asked noticing that we were not moving and that I was staring aimlessly at a road sign.

  I gently nodded my head yes in answer, not looking away from the view I had of the small town of Harlow that lay in front of me. It might have been nine years since I had last been at the Hastings manor, but it had only been five years since I had last been to the small town, I had grown up in.

  Harlow was a small rural town, only having a thousand if not less residence that lived there. It was full of nothing but overprivileged, rich assholes. Just an hour away from London it was the ideal place to live if you wanted the quiet, serene country life, within driving distance of the big city. The people just like any small town were terrible gossips, and I could not help but wonder what they had been saying about me, and my sudden disappearance.

  “It will be alright El.” Bas’s words brought me out of my thoughts, and I turned to look at him. He was a good-looking man. His dark black hair and soulful brown eyes were enough for any woman to desire him, but with his toned body combined with a police uniform, the women were falling at his feet. He was five years older than me at thirty-two, and most people assumed we were a couple, but we weren’t. Bas was my saviour. If it were not for him, I would have no idea of where I would be now. We were close I loved him like the older brother he was to me. He might not have been blood, but he was in every sense of the word my brother, and I owed him so much.